5 ways to help you get the most out of your psychology sessions (from a psychologist with lived experience)
So you’re probably here because you’ve booked your first appointment with a psychologist and have no idea what to expect. Or maybe you’re considering booking in an appointment for therapy but not quite sure what you might get out of it. Or maybe you’ve been in therapy for a while and want to know a bit more about how to get the most out of your therapy sessions with your psychologist.
Either way, welcome! This article is a personal reflection of my experience as both a psychologist in the therapy room, as well as a client sitting opposite a psychologist. Every psychologist and client is different and there is really no “one right way” to do therapy.
Go into session to get to know your psychologist
A lot of research found that the working alliance, which is the relationship between a client and psychologist, plays a huge factor in therapy outcomes. The relationship you have with your psychologist might be more important in determining how successful therapy is for you, rather than other factors such as age and experience of your psychologist. While you might not be asking your psychologist personal questions such as their life story, taking note of the relationship between you and your psychologist is a good way to start. This experience is highly subjective and personal to you, and it can be helpful to determine some factors of your psychologist that influences your working alliance. For example, maybe you’re looking for a psychologist who is trustworthy, relates to you like a peer, or maybe you’re looking for a psychologist who focuses more on skills and someone who is respectful. In other words, make sure your psychologist passes the vibe check.
2. Think about your therapeutic goals
This is usually one question that every psychologist asks during the assessment session. “What do you hope to get out of our work together?”. Therapy is client-focused and client-led. This is your space and time to work on what is impacting your life. Your therapy goals drive the treatment process, although these goals can be modified as sessions progress (for example, if the original issue you presented to treatment with no longer becomes an issue, or if another goal takes precedence, or if you achieved the goal you set). Don’t put too much pressure to come up with a life changing goal - set a realistic one you can work towards as a start, and you can build up to bigger goals as you gain more skills in therapy (or you can jump right in and go for the big ones too). Having you set your own goals will also help motivate you to start working towards those goals.
Some questions you can ask yourself when thinking about setting therapy goals - what is [mental health concern] preventing me from doing or holding me back from? If [mental health concern] doesn’t exist in my life, what will that look like? What is the most distressing thing [mental health concern] is causing me now?
3. If you have already started treatment, think about the significant events that happened between sessions. They are usually good points of discussion between you and your psychologist.
The first question I tend to ask my clients on our subsequent sessions is, “How have things been going for you since the last time we spoke?”. This helps me check in with you to see how you have been coping. Talking and processing events that are therapeutically relevant can help your psychologist identify different perspectives, challenge some unhelpful thinking styles you may have, and discuss potential ways the situation could have been handled. The events don’t necessarily have to be massive like you put a downpayment for a house deposit, or got a promotion, or got in/ended a relationship (although they can be if it’s one of those weeks). Events can be a friend doing something that made you feel abandoned or anxious, how you felt when you had to give a big presentation at work/school, noticing a change in mood or energy levels.
If you find that you tend to forget things that happen between sessions, I usually recommend writing them down in the notes app of your phone after the events happen or at the end of each day before your next session.
4. Listen to your body
So many emotions have a physiological effect on your body. Anxiety causes people to feel like their chest is tightening, or their arms shaking, or feeling butterflies in your stomach. Anger causes people to feel like their temperature increased or their muscles clenching. Sadness can feel like a hollow pit in your stomach or energy depletion. There is a physiological component to every emotion, and helping you learn to identity these warning signs of your body changing can give you a cue on the emotion you are feeling. Helping you regulate these physiological functions can decrease the intensity of the emotion. Being aware of what’s happening in your body is an important part of therapy that people tend not to focus too much on.
5. Have the expectation that the real change happens OUTSIDE of the therapy room
I give my clients a safe space to process difficult memories and teach them skills on how to manage unhelpful behaviours and thoughts. However, our session lasts 50 minutes every week/fortnight/month. Between sessions, events and people are likely going to trigger some difficult emotions in you. I am not going to be there to guide you during those moments, but I will help you prepare for them as much as I can. How you choose to react to those triggers (in helpful or unhelpful ways) is completely up to you. If the events that brought you to therapy happened outside the therapy room, that’s where the change needs to be made.
I hope this list has been somewhat helpful for people thinking about how to get the most of their therapy sessions with their psychologist. If you feel like you could benefit from a session with me, feel free to call/email to inquire about making an appointment.
